Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Perfect Love…(Not Right ending, this is a rushed ending)

My life is based off two worlds, what’s said to be real and the fantasy of which, I wish my life could be. The world of which everything I could ever want to happen, happens, just like that, perfection.

For example the first kiss, where that beautiful rule of twenty, eighty percent commit rule comes into play, so you don’t bang noses.

You both decided to go for a walk in the park beside the water and right before you kiss you feel that tingly sensation and right before you touch lips these random fire works go off behind your head

And after you look and admire them, then you look back into each others eyes, kiss and just fall madly in love,

Until that unholy thing we call reality sets in and you realize that you only knew the girl for three days, she didn’t really move in for a kiss she was staggering because she was drunk, that park that your in, is a basement, the water is actually a can of beer you just kicked over, and those fire works? Some kid thought it would be a grand idea to just light off some firecrackers inside the house… Oh and that look in her eyes that’s not love what it really means is take one step back, not just because once she realizes what she’s done she will regret ever looking at you, but… because she had nothing to eat to day and a lot of booze and empty stomach can make some pretty nasty concoction.

There’s some reality for you, but one night that all change.

Fast-forward to the club, no fast forward to the perfect night. After my usual three-step plan to fail of find seek and get rejected. I found myself looking over

at the dance floor and had a sad realization of my life

Was this who I really am, am I meant to be single

And right then my eyes glanced over and caught the eye of this girl and a smile consumed my face

I walked over to her in this cool calm manner, actually I scurried over and destroyed me hip against a pole. As I catch my breath and wipe my tears I say the only six words I a guy knows can I get you a drink?

As the night goes on we sing songs and dance and just connect on so many levels, she was amazing and funny and… and… I had to kiss her.

as I lean in she leans in I close my eyes and she closes her eyes and right before our lips touch she puts her fingers on my lips and shakes her head and right then we come to this sad realization that the big romantic moments are amazing when they happen but reality doesn’t allow for romance. See the thing that ruins the perfect first impression is the second meeting and what’s the point of having this perfect night and ruin it later.

So we dont exchange numbers, and decided to call it a night the only problem was watching her leave would be the worst memory ever knowing I let the perfect girl just leave would kill me.

She ask me to get her a drink and when I came back she was gone

The perfect night with the perfect end

When I woke up the next morning I smiled remembering the perfect night I just had where reality and fantasy came together. There is so much wrong in this world and this is the one thing where I can say everything went right and…. I have to see her, I quickly jump on facebook and search her name, and text everyone I can think who was there was a school event being held there and maybe she went to our school or something, maybe I should just leave it alone? And not ruin this for the both of us

Hold on just a second…

It’s a text,

Do you know whos number is 222-4653

It says… thanks for the date


Remember when we were in high school or for those still I high school, how we used to always wonder why older people never thought we were mature enough, and we would always ask our selves, why do we not get treated like adults and then we complain and whined which probably did not help our cause, and we would promise ourselves that we would treat other teens like adults when we grew up. I was one of those kids and a couple days ago I was riding a bus and thinking about my coaching plan for high school junior varsity football and while thinking of different schemes I was constantly dumbing them down because I felt the kids could not handle them I felt they were to young to understand. So where am I going with all this? Do we constantly forget where we come from, let me word it better do we sometimes forget what made us who we are? To become good people I feel that it is most important to never forget your roots and to respect your past, deal with the present, and live for the future. Use what you have once learned in order to better others. Plato once gave the allegory of a cave with cave dwellers and teachers and puppet master who would cast shadows on the wall to teach the people their beliefs but the teacher were those who have learn new ways of life from the light from the outside of the cave should come back to the cave and teach cave dwellers the new way to give them choice of the life they would like to live, but would never judge them on their choice. Life is always going to hit us with new twist and turns, those who survive are good people those who survive and learn are great!

We have to break down and lose whom we are. As the rain falls I lose myself in the annoying rhythmic pattern of the pit, pat, pit, pat lost and confused I look around in search for my nearest remedy but like the resource it's scares and not to be found. What is should be my leaning tower of support is now un steady and lost what's are our fears what are mine I used to be scared of what I couldn't see but now I know that my true lye beneath the quaking sand of what I once had they say a friend will come and go but am I strong enough to suffer that lost but am I willed enough to admit my wrong I guess what I really mean is my fear is to say I’m sorry, Because I fear being wrong.

Drift away...

The pastel used to cover the canvas,

Are the same used to cover you feelings,

And as sure as the waves take the raft away,

I find my self-waving to you from the ocean bedside where we lay together.

What was once something so beautiful like the pyramids,

Is now rubble like the stone hedge?

A beautiful ruin to which once was a sight of wonders

Is now a forgotten blessing.

Which once was my life is slowly being ripped away from me like,

The apple tree of my heart

Am I scared?

Am I happy?

Do I have the privilege of having feelings towards the love of my life?

Do I have the respect to communicate my love for the feelings of the love of my life?

Am I to available for you?

Do we make ours selves to available for our partners that they lose feeling for us, or better yet they begin the feel as if they have no need to play their full part in the relationship? I once felt in this constant state of mind that my mate doesn't care about the outcome of our relationship weather it's because I put so much in that it seems like she puts little in or does she really not put much in? I really think that it's the first one I put my everything into being this great boy friend and don't get me wrong I'm still who I am and who I always will be and I just really like to be a great boy friend but is this my weakness, because she knows I will always be around for her, does this mean she can call the shots and take her time deciding weather we should be together or not? I'm in love and I’m willing to give all it takes to be a great man as an athlete I follow the worlds of the great jerry rice I won't to be known for the man I am off the field and only recognizing for what I do on the field.


As I write I'm put in a place where what I can express all that I have inside in a little blog. There is something more when the plastic of the keys I feel uncensored power I just feel right and safe. Feeling can sometimes be great and can sometimes be horrible. Some feeling you may not like the feel or rejection, uncomfortable, icky, these are feeling that might lead you to hate the human ability to feel, but there is many feeling that may lead you to feel differently, that feeling is love and I'm not talking about feeling in love I'm talking about the feeling of love, what is the difference? Well here is my story I have a love partner weather we both share that I am unsure, but I do know is that when we lay together and a slight brush of her bare skin against I get feeling in side of bubbles rushing from my toes to my head a sensation that I would never trade, but then again I ask my self is it worth to feel the moment of this amazing high flush throughout your body. Is it worth it when you don't know that the other person feels the same.... I don't know to be honest. I follow on simple rule. Stay, wait and love and hopefully one-day love will stay and wait with you.

Why do we place thought before truth…

Why do we believe that us as humans know the ways of the world more then the ways of the world should be understood we constantly think that what we think is right is correct rather then listening and understanding what is truly right my example to you is love! My example is the young lady I spoke about in my first blog. When you witness the two of us you know it's love you feel it's love and we believe it's love, but yet see refuses to be with me, not that see doesn't want to be we me or can't see her self with me, she believe that she needs time to solve problem on her own because of this we are constantly broken apart. If you love someone, well the way that I show my love for someone is by loving them unconditionally no matter what problems they may have and to be there for them and help guide them in their time of need, when I fall in love with someone I fall in love with who they are not what they have done. It's whom someone is which makes him or her great. What they do can be a negative or a positive depending on the action. Anyways we are told that when we find true love we just know but here is the question I propose to you how can we know when true love is among us when we follow the ways of the world, is it possible to fall in love at first sight... why not, why is it so weird to just fall in love. My point A man is a man, water is water, fire is fire and love is love what is true is true and what is thought is tainted by the ways of the world. Fall in love and believe it follow it and care for it don't abuse it because once you lose it, it may never come again.

Day One. False Love? Or New Crush?

What love? Can we define it? Can we draw it? Can we see it? Or better yet, can we feel it? Yes that is the right question can we feel love and to be honest I don't have an answer to spoon-feed you I don't really have an answer at all. Through out my life I can say that I have thought I felt true love once and only for that one girl. If I felt in love then was it really what I felt or what was happening in our lives that just help us become closer with each other? See at the time my mom left me and my sister alone and exactly where she went not many of us know, well to be honest one her and the man she met a couple nights ago knew, so me and my sister where getting moved around from group home to group home know I could be a sap and say something like well we still have each other but this isn't one of those stories this is life. My and my sister were not together in fact we actually didn't see each other for years because of locations changing and her dad my step dad lived in Montréal and had no clue of what was going on. So my family was broken... sorry smashed and her family "the girl I felt in love with" was complete and whole and accepted me in as if I was on of their own, beautiful feeling being accepted. So now we ask is this love or is this a brief refuge from pain? Is how people treat us love? But then what if a person is just being kind. I really like this: Their are people in life who make you laugh, Their are people who will make you sad, Their are people who will make you smile, Their are people who will make you cry, Their are people who will love you, and their are people who will break you heart, When these people will come in your life or if they every come in your life is unknown, what is know is this. There will be people in your life and they will make you feel a certain way that inevitable, but then there people who you'll just think about and not stop thinking about until your together and even when you are your still thinking what's on their mind and thought it may not be right away these are the people to me that we begin to love because these are the people we can't stand not having in our lives and time does not exist with this feeling, because when you are struck with this feeling there are only two things that exist you and the person you can't stop thinking about. So can we feel love, maybe, but trust me when you love somebody you won't feel it, it just sneaks up on ya.

From under the bridge


Was a long drive in, but we are finally here we made it to caramel beach and wow this place is too magical. Scratch that. Vacations are magical, because for those amazing days you don't have to be you. Let me explain to those who have never been to the Shoswap's Caramel beach or seen it your missing out this place is what every Canadian and or American would want their summer beach house to look like. Each room has it's own bathroom. So no waiting for sister for two hours to get out, each room has a t.v and each room has an I pod dock station! Not only this but one side of the house is full of huge windows and as you gaze out all you see is the beautiful Okanogan waters, but I digress, I come from a home where I have a room, my sister has a room and my step dad sleeps on a couch, the fridge is hardly ever three quarters full and I’m pretty sure we owe rent money. I am 18 years old, I don't know my father, and you will teach more about me each blog. This is my life, my story, my truth this is me. The reason a love to act and write is simply this I love to create character's out of my life situations with one little twist outcomes are suspended and you create your own perception and your own understanding of their life.